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Location: Articles/ Featured Article
First Contact
by
Mistress Amber
Mistress Amber's Website
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During the past several years Domination has filtered into the mainstream via Hollywood, fetish fashion, and by individual's show of uninhibited self exploration. So how does an acquiring novice approach this surreal, quixotic environment where the body is used to take the mind where it longs to go?
Let's assume you're aware of some submissive desires you'd like to explore. What now? Do you ask your lover or mate to fulfill your desires? Perhaps not; in many cases the adventure is too threatening, and if your partner does consent there is a high probability that he or she does so merely to please you and not because they are sincere in taking on this new identity.
Like others, you may wish to fulfill some needs which your mate cannot gratify. This desire is not a betrayal of your relationship but an important expression of yourself. It is unrealistic and unfair to expect one person to meet all the needs of another. Of course finding a Dominatrix presents its own set of problems of which your minister or rabbi will undoubtedly be of little help.
The following are suggestions to help you in making decisions that will best facilitate your journey and self discovery into D/s.
Begin by asking yourself what you're wanting to explore. Such as bondage, feminization, humiliation, etc. For the sake of discussion let's assume your interest is bondage. Do the images of bondage intrigue or arouse you? What do these images tap into for you? Is it the total helplessness you might feel being restrained within the confines of snugly wrapped ropes, or shrink wrapped in a cocoon? Perhaps being immobilized with duck tape, or confined in a straight jacket would give you a feeling of security? If so, maybe it's an indication of a desire to return to the womb where you are safe, warm and protected from the brutal outside world.
Your next step is to find someone compatible with your needs. This can be laborious, though often an exciting task. Continuing with the bondage example, let's look at some important considerations to keep in mind when judging the merits of a potential partner.
1. Choose someone you feel comfortable with. You may consider meeting them for coffee or a meal--of which YOU should be honored with the bill. (Additionally, some of us require a "consultation gift" which may range in price upwards from $20).
2. Until you learn the protocol of a submissive to a Dominate, be respectful to the perspective Dommé and don't waste Her time. Importantly, do your homework and familiarized yourself with common SMBD terminology.
3. Ask Her what she prefers you to address Her by: Mistress, Ma'am, M'Lady, Your Highness, etc.
4. Ask if She is willing to spend Her time with a novice. Some Dommés find it more challenging and rewarding to work only with experienced, seasoned subs. Of course others thrill at the thought of training and molding fresh new subjects like yourself; eager to learn, and experience the many new opportunities that await. (What a delightful thought).
5. Ask what Her forte is, and Her philosophy about D/s in general. If She is a sadist, and you are not a masochist, you'd be wise to continue elsewhere with your search.
6. Ask what Her requirements are of a submissive. Her answer could make you tingle with excitement or think, "Oh shit, no way."
7. Ask what the general length of time together might be as well as her "donation" for that time.
8. Upon your first encounter, ask if you may bring something she might desire.
Keep in mind that although D/s is a relationship based on trust you must always pay attention to your gut instincts. Don't allow your desperation to venture into unknown territory blind your good sense. You are the one responsible for yourself. You choose to give your power to another person. Codependency has no place within a D/s relationship.
Once you are accepted for a session keep in mind that different Mistresses require different protocols. For example, common D/s protocol calls for the submissive NOT to make eye contact. However, most of the time I personally insist on eye contact with my subjects. Other Dominates may find this appalling, but I have my reasons and I don't care if others are offended by my choice. It's my prerogative as a Dominate.
Be sure to divulge information regarding health challenges you may have such as diabetes, heart and circulatory conditions, etc.; and of course, if you happen to be a STD carrier. This is for your protection as well as theirs. Be honest about including psychological concerns as well.
A good Dominate will respectfully explain terms and other issues you may be unfamiliar with such as "safe words" or "safe signs."
It's important for you to realize that for several days after a session you may feel the need to process the experience with someone. Ideally it should be with the Dominate with whom you had the session. Be aware that Domination is a very powerful experience which may arouse your most servile, primal, human needs and desires, and processing--that is, talking about your feelings, is an important process for your own growth and well being.
These are just a few guidelines to follow, meant to encourage you on your journey and help you get started off on the right foot, bondage table or St. Andrews Cross.
Remember to have fun, enjoy the ride, and be safe, sane and consensual.
Mistress Amber
http://www.wickeddiva.com
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