I do not need fairness to grow with my Master and my sister Vicki. All I need is open communication and the ability to serve my Master. Life is full of lessons for us to learn from, some may be fair and others may not be, some are oh so painful and other joyous.

I respect the role of my Master and I know his responsibilities to those He owns. I know that at times, others will take precedence but it means that I am no less important to him. I know that I’m to be cherished and nurtured to grow, and that is what I look for in my Master each day.

I have insecurities and in time my Master will help me to grow and to over come them, but I must also be willing to learn, grow and develop myself. My Master at times may need to spend sometime putting out fires and hurt feelings, but he will do so with love and understanding. I know that equality is very difficult to balance out in a poly relationship and invariably someone feels the loss or neglect of our Master. I will strive to not have those feeling to the point that they interfere in this relationship, by being open and honest about how I am feeling. I do not expect equality but I do expect caring and nurturing of my submissiveness to my Master.

Giving up power to my Master is not easy and it’s a two way street. Giving up power to my Master also creates his increased responsibility for me, thus his attentions must remain in focused so he does not neglect that which he has control over. I crave control and dominance; it is the core of who I am.

Communication plays a key role but also focusing on the positives rather then the negatives and having faith in one another. My Master enjoys more then one submissive, we each have our own differences. That is what pleases our Master and gives him the goals to guide us both.

Trust is not automatically given and to be able to give that much of oneself to another and trust in them is a very hard thing to do…especially if one has a background of an abusive relationship and had to stand on their own for a long time. I have been a single parent for a number of years, and had to do it all on my own. I have made mistakes, as we all do, but over all I have managed to build within myself a very strong and independent person. So giving up trust right now is not an easy thing at times to do. I realize my submissive nature; I struggle for that moment of giving up trust and my past experiences. I struggle at times and without realizing it, hold on to control of things… it gets corrected and then it is worked on and the feelings are exposed. All things come in time so do not be too hard on yourself when you fail. With openness and communication I can concur this and give my Master control just like others have and will continue to do.

My submission is what I enjoy. I don’t always enjoy what my Master asks of me but because I trust him and my focus in on growing, learning and pleasing it allows me to do what I’m ask.

I have all the human needs that include the need to play, love, and to feel needed and adored. This is of human nature and not something that I can just stop so that I can serve. A good servant needs motivation, direction and attention. A servant needs access to there Masters life. We are all different and we all have different needs. With out access you will not know those needs. And a good dominant must turn himself/herself into their individual partner.

Dominance is inspiring, teaching, leading and pleasing a sub. It’s not about getting what you want through fear, intimidation, or threats; that is called abuse. So have some fun and work together for the good of the relationship. Honesty, Communication, Trust, and Loyalty are what it’s all about.

I can say will all honesty in my heart that the last few weeks have been trying for me and I have wanted just to pack it all in and leave to run and hide. I know where I am and that is not the answer, but I am struggling with not having open communication. For this is something I need and require I get shout out and no one talks, it sucks I am not a mind reader and NO relationship can work this way. I submit my journal so my Master knows what I think and feel, but he’s not telling me anything back. So I still have NO communication, and this does not just mean with my Master. I am in a poly relationship so my sister needs to speak her heart with me and for some reason she does not and will not. I try to open the communication but the door is slammed in my face each time. I will keep trying for in time I will have all the answers that I need, either the communication will start of this one will have to leave the relationship. That would hurt but it can’t be this way. I thank my friend for giving me this question for it’s allowed me to open up and to look at myself and what it is that I am seeking and needing. Sisters can be such good friends, and I wish I had paid this question more attention at the time. I am still learning and if this helps one other person well my work is done.

awhitecloud

Please feel free to contact me at awhitecloud@hotmail.com i will do what i can to help anyone, and i would like to know what you A/all think also. Thank you for allowing me to share with you A/all.

Unpublished work © 2000 awhitecloud ® Published © 2000 awhitecloud ®