By awhitecloud May 2003 Respect, I think, is an event that is so misunderstood. It is not forcing or making someone do something. It is rather to encourage someone to attain that need to get to where they long to be. This lifestyle is a growing and learning experience. Needs, wants and desires are ever changing. It has taken me a long wile to understand this issue. And I know of many that do not. They say if you’re a true submissive you never test. I find that wrong, at least for me.

It is human nature, and if you can’t see that you need to open your eyes, for there is testing over and over in all kinds of different ways. Needs are different so testing comes off different. It is all a lesson of proving ones self one way or another.

When what you long for hurts beyond belief, the reality is so very difficult to live with. The pushing of him, the testing of him for him to prove that he is strong enough for you. I think most all subs do this in one way or another. It is a way to prove that you are safe. This is not a one-time event you will push and be warned again, your bottom will hurt beyond belief again. For he will have to prove that he will follow through now will he not?

No person can respect one who backs down, fails to follow through on a promise. It will hurt; oh how it will hurt. But you will respect him. It may hurt so bad you do not know what to do but your inner side will be so happy. You will have your answers, now able to see where you are and that he will not let you get past testing him. Be ready, push him, test him again and you will hurt even more, but you will know you are, loved, wanted, cared for and happy. At times you need the hurt of some kind to allow it to sink in. Saying “I am sorry” and it all being okay just does not cut it or help anyone. For the most part it is the lazy Dom’s way out, they do not need to deal with it and they can leave it. But it does not help the submissive to larn anything, but for you can play games.

When you knew it would come harder you have to just push again. At times not even thinking just doing it. You have to see, you did not truly believe deep down inside that he was real. Sure you had received some serious sessions in a mater of days, and he would not act again on a damaged sore poor you? Wrong you have found this to be. Everyone needs and has to learn this for them selves in time. No matter how tender how sore you are, you have to pay the price no matter what. There is no one to blame but for yourself, just maybe you have learned now.

You as a submissive give submission in order to receive dominance and the Dominant gives dominance to get submission. A two-way gift to each other, it is a two way street and this is what it is all about. When this happens you have the D/s relationship. You cannot have a power exchange with out both sides of this event. You have to get to a place where the submissive and stop the paradox of inner fighting and give it all to the Dominant.

Sometimes we must learn the hard way, we have to fill the voids and be complete in different ways. Learning this lesson can be completely the hardest thing in your life. You may repeat it more them once along the way. But you’re happy inside, down deep. You know where you are and that you do matter. But you now see that you need to respect him and he is making this clear to you in ways that might hurt physically but makes your heart sing.

You will test again in time, but it will be a long-while as you know it is secure. But, in time you will have doubts and test him all over again. You ask but why does this happen? What brings it on? It is the nature of a submissive to the core of what is inside so deep.

Just think of what it is you long for, what makes you complete? Will this help you in the end to reach where you have longed so much to be, will it bring you the understanding you are longing for? I believe it will, in due time the learning and the pain will work together to bring you to the place you have longed to be.

There is a willingness to give up and go on and something stops you. You are trapped in this paradox. Does your inner strength let you submit or keep you fighting and testing? In time you will give up and for us all I hope you do not last long, for it is a hard lesion to learn. Do you see what is ahead of you? What is in the works for you? You want them and you can’t stop what is happening. You will continue to learn that hard way until you can let yourself just have it. And step out of the paradox that with hold you now.

You see what is out there, but you’re stuck in the realm of enforced obedience, and this will end in due time but you are paying for it dearly. In time you will be able to walk in and be complete and able to face it and no longer fight, to keep your own identity but give it over to someone that will keep you complete to the end. In time you will be free, no longer second guessing what is before you, no more worrying, able to give it up to another. You will learn that you can communicate all things to this person that it is okay. Build the trust and respect, learn to be open and communicate. Become complete as they mold you and help you step out of what you are and into what you longed to be for so long. The deeper your trust, the better, for you will have more honest and open communication.

If this person is the right one, truly worthy of your submission, no time has been wasted or lost. You are learning they are waiting for you to get the message and they will patiently wait and deal with you, teach you those seeming endless lessons. He will wipe your tears and comfort you after the hard and high prices have been paid. Your greatest light comes from pleasing him, cooking for him and making him happy in his world. In time you will come to see that your accountability will enhance your relationship, it will build and take you place like nothing else can, or ever has.

Look forward to the days that lie ahead of you when you no longer hurt. You have made it a week with no spankings or pain. Your old parts will no longer be there to keep you from what lies and waits for you in the days to come. Now the fun begins and we can enjoy all that is to come. Yes I know as well as you that you will test again, and they will have to prove once again and give me the great reminder of what is what. I cringe at that thought. But I see and understand this is the road I most travel to be complete to all of my self out of the great paradox and end the fighting with in myself. Can you take the step to be there, no more pouting, second-guessing, arguing, or your rebellion, and put that glare away? Yes in time once you reach the other side you can. This is not about abuse of anytime, it is about love and understanding and taking someone out of a paradox that life has them stuck inside. We all, as a submissive, have a paradox of some sort that we have to deal with and come to terms with in order to be complete.

But remember testing can come in all forms, and the Dominant needs to be on their toes in order for it all to work.. The submissive can not just make it stop and go away, they need the help of the Dominant to help them and guild them to teach them the lessons of what lies ahead no matter how hard that may be. Some learn easier then others, and that is a part of what makes the world go round.

This is just my three cants on this view nothing more, it may be right or wrong, but it is what I see in myself at times as well in others. I wanted to explore it closer and see what I could learn. I have learned for the most part. I guess I learn most things that hard way. I have deep beliefs that were instilled inside me. They are not easy to over come and can never be over come with out help, guidance and understanding and a lot of work and effort. I surly wish some things could be so much easier that is for sure. awhitecloud

Please feel free to contact me at

awhitecloud@awhitecloud.zzn.com i will do what i can to help anyone, and i would like to know what you A/all think also. Thank you for allowing me to share with you A/all.

Unpublished work © 2003 awhitecloud ® Published © 2003 awhitecloud ®